My partner almost always falls asleep before I do, and sometime she talks right before conking out.
So I talk back.
Her: I’ll bet that’s the evolution of jumping jacks. Like, snow angels, right to jumping jacks. Yeah.
Me: Could you explain that a bit further?
Me: How snow angels lead to jumping jacks..?
Her: Probably by wheels.
Her: I just figured out how divorce court works!
Me: And how is that?
Her: Well they probably all arrive on boats. [Laughs hysterically to herself]
Her (completely deadpan): They’re probably capitalists though.
Her: You look like you’re that avatar guy. Fantastic. You also look like an anime character. One that’s all like “chu chu chu chu chu!”
Her: You know what I feel like?
Her: Some sort of weird internet child. It’s really quite strange.
Her: Oh my god, cool!
Her: Lucky toes!
Her (alarmed): Who is that?!
One time I was watching King of the Hill on my laptop in bed.
Her (quickly sits up): Are you watching porn?!
The show sounded nothing like porn. It was just people talking.