Squirtle is the best starting pokemon and here’s why.

Ok, so you know how in the beginning, after you deliver the package to Prof Oak from the Pokemart, you can battle Gary (or whatever you named him) on the path to the Pokeleague? Well, up until that point in the game the only Pokemon you can catch are Nidoran (male and female), Rattata, Pidgey, and Spearow.

If you chose Squirtle, then Gary chose Bulbasaur, a plant Pokemon. Both bird and poison Pokemon are effective against grass Pokemon, so you can use your newly caught bird/poison Pokemon against Gary’s Bulbasaur with great success.

Further, in the beginning of the game it is the hardest to beat other Pokemon, both because of your low level and the limited types of Pokemon you can catch. So any advantage at the beginning of the game is better than any advantage at the end of the game.

Also, the final gym leader uses rock Pokemon, which are weak against water Pokemon.

And that is why Squirtle is the best.

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Homoerotica.

Her: Would you like another banana?
Me: No, I think I’ve had enough homoerotic food for one day.
Her: How about some fudge-e-o’s then?
Me: …

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I <3 PornBots

Back when I still used MSN Messenger I would get random friend requests from time to time. They were always pornbots. But I said to myself, hey, if they wanted to add me as a friend I might as well talk to them. So I did. Here are the conversations.

Super Ben.. says:
hi

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
hey

Super Ben.. says:
wanna see me nude? go to [website]

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
think we chatted before right?

Super Ben.. says:
oh for sure

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
i’m sorry i get to be forgetful at times!! how’re you?

Super Ben.. says:
it’s hard to remember people when you have like ten dicks in you at once

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
feed me ur dick

Super Ben.. says:
you couldnt handle it

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
i’m 24/f ……u?

Super Ben.. says:
im a fourteen year old transexual

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
wow i need to get some

Super Ben.. says:
some pudding?

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
nice, I just got out of the shower and finally got some time to relax ..what are you up to?

Super Ben.. says:
cooking up some meth

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
Nice..I’m feeling a little naughty ..lol..U?

Super Ben.. says:
i always feel naughty

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
Are you as naughty as I am?? if so you will be spanked

Super Ben.. says:
i can assure you i am much naughtier than thou

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
Yeah I’m horny lol ..sorry if that’s forward ..is that cool?

Super Ben.. says:
actually, thats not cool at all. i should block you for saying that

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
I need a man who can make me squirt..have u ever made a girl squirt??
lolz yeah i need it babe…i’m so worked up..wanna see what i look like?? i’ve got a sweet ass that loves attention!!

Super Ben.. says:
jeez, keep your pants on you whore

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
I’ll be your whore

Super Ben.. says:
ill give you my credit card number if you send me a pic

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
[website]

Super Ben.. says:
no, i dont want a website
send me a pic thru msn
then you can have my credit card

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
Accept the invite, if you need the link again its [website]
do you cam?

Super Ben.. says:
i invented cam
literally, he’s my son

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
Well i don’t do msn cam or any other cam because i have been recorded before… But i do know one site you can watch me on cam, that assures me no one records…

Super Ben.. says:
im not down for that

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
I mean… Do you want to see me on my cam?

Super Ben.. says:
i only cam if recording is an oipton
so whats your opinion on whats happening in darfur?

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
Ok go to accept the invite on the page baby

Super Ben.. says:
fuck you

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
you wanna fuck me ?? lolz

Super Ben.. says:
i do not, i want to know your opinion on the genocide in darfur, you idiot cunt

arleanmcclennyyodjw says:
cum rub my cunt

Super Ben.. says:
i’d really rather not

_______

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
Hey I’m Naked Goto [website]

Super Ben.. says:
hey baby

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
hey

Super Ben.. says:
rub my nipples

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
i’m 21/f your a male right?

Super Ben.. says:
not quite….. but sure, lets go with that

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
nice, I just got off work and finally got some time to relax which site did i msg you from again?

Super Ben.. says:
all of them
you’ve basically been stalking me

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
I am a little busy right now, trying to upload some new pics if ya wanna check them out go
[website] tell me what ya think

Super Ben.. says:
i thought you just got off work.. why are you busy?

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
I know a way we can chat and have a better time.. do you cam?

Super Ben.. says:
i already told you, he’s my son
why?
what do you want from me?!

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
Well i don’t do yahoo cam or any other cam because i have been recorded before… But i do know one site you can watch me on cam, that assures me no one records…

Super Ben.. says:
i dont want to see you
you have too much penis for me anyway

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
I mean… Do you want to see me on my cam?

Super Ben.. says:
do you want to see me on MY cam?
although im not sure how he’d feel about that
hm…

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
Ok go to [website] and click on “JOIN FOR FREE” orange button at the top of the page to join up for FREE.
fill out your contact information and then on the next page…

Super Ben.. says:
hey, cam said it’s fine, so why dont you come over for drinks or something, then we can get to the fun stuff….

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
fill out your cc info baby for verification ONLY, Your card will not be charged.

Super Ben.. says:
oh, cam just asked if you could bring some pizza
is that ok?

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
What color Panties do you think i should wear? i might have you favorite color here somewhere…

Super Ben.. says:
really? you have puce panties? i have such a hard time finding a girl with puce panties
they get me so hot

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
Your such a good boy, i’m gonna show you what good boys deserve.. you can tell me to do anything you want me too!

Super Ben.. says:
i want you to travel to africa for a year and live amongst the starving orphans, k?

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
Ok let me know when you get in so I can invite you directly to my cam, you should get some minutes from my cam site so you can spend time with me sexy!!!

Super Ben.. says:
ya, right after you get back from africa, sugarnipples

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
try again sweetie…Ok go to [website] and click on “JOIN FOR FREE” orange button at the top of the page to join up for FREE.

Super Ben.. says:
try what again? cam and I are waiting for you
you coming or what?

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
k you in yet babe??

Super Ben.. says:
im in cam, yes, but you’re missing it

LakishaGaetaipkia@hotmail.com says:
try again sweetie…Ok go to [website] and click on “JOIN FOR FREE” orange button at the top of the page to join up for FREE.

Super Ben.. says:
awwwwwwwwww yeaaaaaaah
k, its over
you missed it
we’re still waiting on that pizza, btw

_________

BlowPopQweefersqrwip@hotmail.com says:
Hey? Did you msg me??

Super Ben.. says:
of course, i want your hot naked flesh in my mouth
preferably not attached to your body

BlowPopQweefersqrwip@hotmail.com says:
oooh sorry but u r francesca’s friend right?

Super Ben.. says:
if by francesca you mean mike, then yes

BlowPopQweefersqrwip@hotmail.com says:
what?? she gave me your chat name LOL, i’m sorry, anways im bored,what r u up to?

Super Ben.. says:
getting ready to perform a satanic ritual. do you know any innocent 8 year old boys around here?

BlowPopQweefersqrwip@hotmail.com says:
ahh perfspot

Super Ben.. says:
that is not a word

BlowPopQweefersqrwip@hotmail.com says:
oh yea? im just doing a cam chat right now, u wanna come chat with me on there?

Super Ben.. says:
nope

BlowPopQweefersqrwip@hotmail.com says:
cool, yea its pretty fun, it can get pretty hot in there sometimes! so many wild people. lemme get the info k?

Super Ben.. says:
no, i forbid you from getting the info

BlowPopQweefersqrwip@hotmail.com says:
Do you think i should wear my pink or black thong?

Super Ben.. says:
i think thongs are unsophisticated
i prefer pantaloons

BlowPopQweefersqrwip@hotmail.com says:
kk, lemme see, okay go here [website] look at the top of the page, make sure you click the “JOIN FREE” orange box, do you see it?

Super Ben.. says:
i can’t see. i’m blind. how DARE you!

BlowPopQweefersqrwip@hotmail.com says:
yup, you gotta put in your info so the system can verify your age, got it?

Super Ben.. says:
i am older than time itself

BlowPopQweefersqrwip@hotmail.com says:
yea cc is just to verify your age, don’t worry it won’t charge you are on the free cam, NO CHARGE BABY!!

________

Damp4everudicrh@hotmail.com says:
Hey? Did you msg me??

Super Ben.. says:
pussy

Damp4everudicrh@hotmail.com says:
my pussy is nice and tight

Super Ben.. says:
balls

Damp4everudicrh@hotmail.com says:
i want your balls in my mouth lol

Super Ben.. says:
cock

Damp4everudicrh@hotmail.com says:
i love cock

Super Ben.. says:
kiss

Damp4everudicrh@hotmail.com says:
oooh sorry but u r francesca’s friend right?

Super Ben.. says:
not dirty enough, eh?
slippery

Damp4everudicrh@hotmail.com says:
what?? she gave me your chat name LOL, i’m sorry, anways im bored,what r u up to?

Super Ben.. says:
poop

Damp4everudicrh@hotmail.com says:
oh yea? im just doing a cam chat right now, u wanna come chat with me on there?

Super Ben.. says:
donkey punch

Damp4everudicrh@hotmail.com says:
cool, yea its pretty fun, it can get pretty hot in there sometimes! so many wild people. lemme get the info k?

Super Ben.. says:
vaginal intercourse

Damp4everudicrh@hotmail.com says:
Do you think i should wear my pink or black thong?

Super Ben.. says:
anal

Damp4everudicrh@hotmail.com says:
mhmm ass sex is hot!!!

Super Ben.. says:
sexy

Damp4everudicrh@hotmail.com says:
sex is good with the right guy lolz

Super Ben.. says:
g spot

Damp4everudicrh@hotmail.com says:
kk, lemme see, okay go here [website] look at the top of the page, make sure you click the “JOIN FREE” orange box, do you see it?

Super Ben.. says:
interacial

Damp4everudicrh@hotmail.com says:
yup, you gotta put in your info so the system can verify your age, got it?

Super Ben.. says:
midget porn

Damp4everudicrh@hotmail.com says:
yea cc is just to verify your age, don’t worry it won’t charge you are on the free cam, NO CHARGE BABY!!

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I have a strange partner.

My partner almost always falls asleep before I do, and sometime she talks right before conking out.
So I talk back.

Her: I’ll bet that’s the evolution of jumping jacks. Like, snow angels, right to jumping jacks. Yeah.
Me: Could you explain that a bit further?
Her: What?
Me: How snow angels lead to jumping jacks..?
Her: Probably by wheels.

Her: I just figured out how divorce court works!
Me: And how is that?
Her: Well they probably all arrive on boats. [Laughs hysterically to herself]
Her (completely deadpan): They’re probably capitalists though.

Her: You look like you’re that avatar guy. Fantastic. You also look like an anime character. One that’s all like “chu chu chu chu chu!”

Her: You know what I feel like?
Me: What?
Her: Some sort of weird internet child. It’s really quite strange.

Her: Oh my god, cool!
Me: What?
Her: Lucky toes!
Me: What?
Her (alarmed): Who is that?!
Me: Ben.
Her: Oh.

One time I was watching King of the Hill on my laptop in bed.
Her (quickly sits up): Are you watching porn?!
Me: No
The show sounded nothing like porn. It was just people talking.

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A Thank You

Thank you very much to Pleated Jeans for including my comic in the Weekend Pic Dump.

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